I don’t know about you, but where I come from, there aren’t a ton of good Muslim men to choose from. So when I was trying to get married, I thought that the Internet would be a good way to meet someone. Now, this was before all of the eHarmony commercials were running on television. All I had were AOL and Yahoo instant messengers, and one or two Islamic marriage sites that were filled with people who were only interested in me for a green card (seriously!). But now that single Muslim women have Myspace, Facebook, and all the other social networking and matrimonial websites, it would seem that finding a husband would be much easier because there are so many places to look. But I realized that all of the single Muslim women that I know who have tried to find a husband online are either still single or they ended up meeting their husband offline.
So, tell me, do you think that the Internet makes it easier to find someone to marry? Have you tried looking for a husband online? If yes, what was your experience like? If no, why not? And what are your tips for Muslim women who are looking for a husband online?
More Ways To Get Muslimette:
Subscribe to Muslimette Magazine.
Follow Muslimette on Twitter.
Sign up for FREE Muslimette Blog email updates.
Image made using: mhs
Single Sisters : Do you look for love online?
{ 61 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m not at that stage yet and Inshallah I never will be, but its something I have considered.
The only thing that’s stopping me is the lack of trust in people are who they say they are and there’s no way to verify with a discreet background check like you can online.
Salam,
i support ur point. people r totally different from what they say they r, but again one just av 2 trust his/her instinct.
maa salam!
I meant offline!
I didn’t exactly go looking for love online but it kinda found me online, met my husband of almost three years on one of those said social networking websites. I am fortunate alhamdulillah to have met such a wonderful man on, who would have thought, the internet! Having been in a few failed relationships prior to the fateful meeting, all I can say is do not discount the chance of meeting your soulmate online :) be careful of course, be smart and don’t just take things at face value and trust your instinct, if he makes you feel uncomfortable online, he’ll most likely be a creep offline. I know of at least 6 happily married couples who had met online. But I also know of a lot of people who prefer to keep relationships online as separate to their offline life (much like regarding anything online as virtual) so one person would end up hurting. It is up to you to make that call, to distinguish between what is real and virtual when it comes to love. Allahu ‘alem
check out my blog at [...] and links to its sister blogs :) salams sisters
I tried the online thing a few times. Its not easy because you can’t tell someones true intentions. Do they like you for you or the photo of you that they see? Some just want to date or marry you just to come to the US. Its just easier to find someone in your everyday life.
Salaam! Online “dating” is a pain! But then again, I find every form of “dating” to be a pain lol. I’ve been trying to get married for, well, ever! I’m on about 10 Islamic dating sites and my sisters (1 in particular) likes to point out guys that I might be interested in…I never am lol. I even had a go with an Islamic match-maker. Cultivating online relationships is difficult and can seem near impossible so it can be very disheartening. Its hard to judge when/if someone is lying about who they are and what they’re about. Its much easier to type the talk than it is to walk the walk…and many guys have figured that out and have taken to the world wide web because of it. All this said though, I’m still on those websites, and I’m still checking them every couple of days. I have faith that if I do my due diligence, Allah will bless me with my husband when the time is right. And I’m not trying to miss any viable oppurtunities!
Oh lol please excuse the spelling in my last post im very sleepy and it was 3am in the morning when i read this. allah bless you
I have looked online and I have met some decent brothers who weren’t a good match for me but might make a good match for someone. I know 3 muslim sisters who met their husbands online. I wouldn’t use facebook to meet someone, I use those sites to stay in touch with people I already know. I will continue to look online but I am taking a break now. I really feel like I have no choice but to look online because the number of available brothers in my age range is so small.
Well I met my husband through youtube! And hamdollilah I couldn’t have wished for better, even though I wasn’t looking for love online, it was a coincidence. One of my friends met her fiance through stickam.com in the chatroom Islam Talk, they are such a cute couple and I could suggest sisters going there, as the brothers in the chatroom are very humourous and respectful, who knows, you might find your other half.!
Good luck :)
Salaamaualikum!
I actually did try this once. he approached me on one of the said sites and from there we made it strictly business! notified my family, and we were planning to marry come this summer. everything was great, he was planning it all out, working extra to take care of me and everything and it felt sooooo right, i made istikhara 3 times! in the end it failed though, he sent me a TEXT message telling me he wasnt ready to get married. HA! alhumdulilah for that sign, he dragged me 3 months with my family involved just to drop that through a text. lol so never again!
Assalaam alaykum,
I’ve found the perfect website for finding Sisters & Brothers in Islam and even find the perfect husband, it’s Umma United (http://www.umma-united.com).
It’s a kind of facebook for Muslim men & women. I recommend it!
sisters please help me. i have fallen in love with this guy who is 1 year younger than me. he is also not muslim but he is about to convert. i am soooo scared to tell my parents that i met him online. they have now introduced me to this mix race guy who is nice. i said he is nice but now my parents are talkin about marriage. and i can’t be with two people. i thought it would be the islamic thing to do if i just told the guy that i have fallen for that it is over. but he wants to become muslim. and what kinda image of islam will he have if i did that. sisters please please help me i am really scared and lost
I feel for you sister. I was in that situation (in love with a non-muslim) not too long ago. And to be honest noone ever gave me as much support and respect as he did. It didnt worrk out for me the first time – he backed out because he got scared. But now he wants me back and is saying he would convert if i take him back. So I still dont know what to do. I guess my advice to you is if he is willing to convert, make sure he does it with the sincere intention and not just to please you or your parents. I know how devastating it is not to be with the one you love. Its sad that we both got into this ssituation in the first place. But if you think his intentions are true and that you can be happy together, give him a chance. It will be hard with your parents if they dont understand at first.. But hey, if something is good its worth fighting for. Just be strong and be good to your parents and keep trying to make them understand in the nicest possible way. With me, I finally got them to accept it after almost a year of trying, but then he backed out. And now I dont know if I should take him back either. Hope this helps
“But now he wants me back and is saying he would convert if i take him back.”
If he converts, he would only do so to be with you, not for the sake of Allah. Personally, me I would never involve myself in a relationship like that in the first place. It’s risky and not permissible for us anyway.
i real thanks 4 this advice……..we r proud …2 be muslim
Salaam sisters, as far as my understanding goes, I agree with Nadira on this one “If he converts, he would only do so to be with you, not for the sake of Allah” (and Allah knows best). But Nadira, sometimes you can’t help who u like…esp in today’s society. its difficult to live all cut off from ppl of different religious backgrounds. U sound like a very strong girl. Mashallah!
All i can say to Azra and Husaina is to pray for patience and strength from Allah. That’s the key. Its sad =( but girls do the right thing…u must’ve heard ppl say “don’t walk into a relationship hoping to change someone”. well they say that for a reason =)
and i know u already know all this…sometimes its good to hear it again from someone else.
I don’t agree. I think its great if a brother finds the blessing of islam, and if these girls introduced them to Islam, good on them. It’s obvious that the sisters want to do the right thing, otherwise they wouldn’t have mentioned it. I think we should all give them some faith that they would have it in them to see whether these boys are honest or not. If the guy converts and becomes a practicing Muslim, then why would someone say that he is doing it for the woman? I think its a bit too hard to do all that if you dont believe in it. If the boys are really interested in learning about the religion, suggest to them that they speak to an imam. The only way to know is to give it a try
A?SALAAMALAYKUM
dear fathima 1st if a non muslim is converted muslim then he is married a muslim girl its f9 but 1st loving then convert in muslim ………….its difficult and we can guess he will be the right 4ever…so plsssss try 2 avoid love 2 any 1 …..B,cuz we r born 2 love ALLAh ALLAH RASOOL (SAW)………..
And in my community i see people convert to Islam almost on a weekly basis Alhamdulillah. If these boys see the truth and beauty of Islam, who are we to say they accept it only for the sake of a girl. Its a little hypocritical to say we should spread the word of Islam and yet if someone does it, even if it’s preceeded by a mistake (we’re all human after all), then we say you can’t change a person (or “don’t walk into a relationship hoping to chanege someone”). It does happen. People convert all the time. Just do the right thing girls, pray to Allah, and obey Allah. They have to convert for themselves and for the sake of Allah, not just to be with you
Thank you everyone for your advice.
I don’t think I expressed myself clearly though. I don’t know about Husaina’s situation. But in my case, the day we met he said he would convert FOR ME. I said NO way (because I know he has to do it for himself) and went back home (we don’t live in the same city by the way, he’s a 10hr drive away). But my sister gave him my number so he started calling me and we talked. He seemed really interested in Islam and since then he’s been talking to his Muslim friends and I believe they took him to speak to an imam. And as time went by we spoke every day and saw each other a few times over the span of a year and yeah, we fell in love, what can I say, it happened. And he was very respectful (a lot more than a lot of ‘Muslim’ brothers around here). But this time last year we broke up (don’t ask me why, its complicated). But yeah, just before Ramadan he called me again saying he’s ready to convert, and that he had made a terrible mistake by letting me go, and that he wants me back.
But don’t get me wrong, I now its haram to have a relationship with a guy (let alone a catholic one). And I ask Allah to forgive me. But at least I can say it never went physical. As I said he was the most respectful guy I know. I live in a place where even Muslims have surrendered to this western lifestyle – sex, alcohol, dating etc etc. And then I meet a great guy who’s treating me the way I should be treated. But around me I see Muslim guys going out with girls and doing all sorts of things. And I don’t want to one of those girls. So that’s why I got into the relationship. I’m not blind, I know its wrong. But when I compare him to the kinds of guys around here there’s not much choice. Especially if he wants to embrace Islam. I haven’t said yes to him and I don’t know if I will. I am hoping Inshallah to take him to my imam where I live and that we can all talk together. I don’t want to make any more mistakes.
Azra,
I am jumping in here to say that you should leave it in Allah’s hands. He’ll show you the way if only you ask. So do your salaat and ask Allah for guidance.
On another note, I also see where you’re coming from with this. I married a Muslim guy and it turns out he was every bit as Western as you could get. Even some of the non-Muslim men I knew back then were more respectful to me than he was. Let’s just say that booze, cigs, hash and fast women were his lifeline. When I prodded that this is not Islam’s way, he said I was a bore and that we live in this century, not the Middle Ages. I can totally see how a non-Muslim man can show better respect to you. I have 3 cousins who have converted their husbands and brought them to Islam, so yes, there may be hope there that the path for this guy to reach Islam is through you.
I can only tell you to pray, and that when we ask something with a pure heart and noble intentions, Allah never lets our pleas go unheard. May Allah be by your side throughout your dilemma.
A?SALAAMALAYKUM
dear Asra 1st if a non muslim is converted muslim then he is married a muslim girl its f9 but 1st loving then convert in muslim ………….its difficult and we can guess he will be the right 4ever…so plsssss try 2 avoid love 2 any 1 …..B,cuz we r born 2 love ALLAh ALLAH RASOOL (SAW)………..
we can’t judge any RASOOL (SAW)………..ummat like that its wrong r right .we should proud that we r momins .we should pray 4 RASOOL (SAW)………..ummat..ALLAH may Hidayath us from every sin….realy u r the lucky person u r save from Haram..u must thanks ALLAH…..
if u real love ALLAH then u wil be near 2 ALLAh mercy………..pray & pray with the feelings of ur heart………u never love anything in this World
Yeah i definitely give you credit Azra for seeing what was wrong. so many us go on without even realizing our mistakes. And u r rite abt soo many of the guys and girls being whatever (sex, drinking) and May Allah help me, i dont wanna be with any of those guys or be one of those girls. Azra, may Allah bless you with strength and patience! Ameen =)
its soo nice to hear from Fatimah that ppl convert to Islam so often in her community! Allahu Akbar! I guess since i am normally surrounded with muslim folks, its unfortunate but i haven’t experienced much of that.
girls, getting back to the whole ‘finding someone online’ thing…its a bummer! But my best frnd found her husband through facebook and they are alhumdulillah happily married…so there IS light at the end of the tunnel lol
Sister Fatimah. I think we clearly disagree on this issue. Actions are based on intentions and the Sunnah of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). One is invalid without the other.
I’m saying this because I have seen some of my close friends go through this relationship thing with guys. Muslim brothers who said they would become practicing if they would be together. And it turned out very ugly. So, imagine a non-muslim.
The way I see it, if I get into a relationship with someone (a non-muslim) and he converts because of me. I started something with haram (against the Sunnah), so what makes me so sure that Allah will accept my intention? Or that He (Subhana ta’ala) won’t punish me for it during my marriage with the guy? Because clearly, I disobeyed my Rabb by disobeying our Rasul (pbuh).
nadira i agree with you.lets no take this thing lightly.the prophet said no matter how common a haram thing becomes it wont change it from haram to halal.
u r rght ….we love we do romance the root 2 hell v r making……..y we 4got the v r Born 2 love ALLAH ALLH RASOOL (SAW)
those of the sisters that know my stituation, i have decided to let him go. i thought it would be for the best i didn’t want him to enter islam just 4 me, because it’s not islamic and i will feel selfish 4 doing that. but now my parents have arranged a marriage for me with this muslim guy. i have met him, and he is really on his deen marshalla, but my heart is not there i am trying to forget about but i can’t i feel depressed and i don’t know what to do. and he is really upset and sad now, and it hurts to know that i made him feel like that. sisters please help me
hey husaina dont give up and read my comment i know its hard to find someone in a western country but you will ishallah i will pray for you sister as i believe you deserve happines.
salam girls,
i believe meeting someone online is not a bad idea but be carful you might find some idiots and perverts online so for the safe side my theory is to try to prolong showing your photo as long as possible to determind if the man is not shallow and that he just really wants to understand you more.My older sister has recently married a converted englishman that is really nice and do you know how he converted?well it was because he admired my sisters modesty and morals that he decided to discover the religion islam which he fell in love with before falling in love with my sister.Now he prays and fast and does everything according to the book and he is part of my muslim family.So sisters keep your hope on finding a willing non-muslim suitor that will convert and i tell you the award with allah will be great !(plus some men like the idea of the higab as it proves that you are willing to show onl your beauty to the man you love and are going to marry).
shadwa are u suggesting that i hold him and we both fight through it. untill he becomes a stable muslim. i would love to do that, but my family is also the issue, first they are not too keen on me being with a white guy. secondly he is still young he lives with his family. they want a man who has a big job who fianancially equipt. all those stuff i also have to take into consideration
Husaina,
I feel for your plight. I’m not trying to be all high and mighty here but love does happen after marriage, you know? The man I’m currently married to, he’s my second husband, and after the womanizer I had as the first (he was Muslim and my own choosing too, lol), the second time when I was introduced to this man whom I didn’t love but with whom I felt I could get on, I took the chance.
It may sound simple what I’ll say, but I believe strongly in this – say Bismillah-hir-rahman-ir-rahim before anything you attempt. Allah will never let you go wrong then.
It’s been 8 years since I remarried now, and I can tell you our love is not like the one I had when I fell in love with the first guy. It is lots stronger, not at all fickle, because it developed not through feelings but through commitment and a desire to make things right.
I’m not in your shoes, so I cannot tell you what to do. But think fo Allah – He’ll never let you go wrong.
I see your problem ,in our family this was a big issue! my mum was like no its wrong hes english its not right 2 yrs before they married. y dont u wait untill he does stabilise himself 4 u nd rly introduce him 2 islam because u need 2 giv him a condition !!every time u do try to convert him u will b showered with sawab so give it a shot but a the end if he doesnt really care about islam nd hust u marry someone ur family is happy with nd never go against them. my sister had 7 suitors b4 her husband so its not the end.o and also pray 2 rakat salah istikara where u leave the choice to allah to show u the right choice.
badalic sister and i understand your situation inshallah allah is with u.
Asalaamu Alaikum,
When I finally decided that I wanted to get married, I didn’t know where to start looking! I was all alone, living with non-muslim family members, and the only muslim family I do have live out of the country!
I found singlemuslims.com. This website shows profiles which allows people to write what they want in a spouse. I read through these, adding things to my list (yes i had a list) of what I wanted in my own spouse. Eventually the website made me sign up otherwise I could not look anymore.
Without realizing it, I had so many responses in just a few hours! Subhanallah! Two days later I met my now-husband. Alhamdullilah, he is what I always hoped to have. Gentle, honest, funny, and practices his religion according to the Qur’an and Sunnah. Right away we knew we wanted to get married! We just had amazing chemistry!
My advice to others is to know what you are looking for. You HAVE to otherwise things will not work out. Since I did this pretty much on my own, I wrote a list so that if a man didn’t fit what i wanted (and i didn’t feel like I could accept him for his differences), I could forget about him and continue with my search. No emotional ties.
Another piece of advice is that if a man will not talk to your Wali (guardian who gives you away..such as your father, grandfather, or Imam) or if he does but you can tell he does not want to…then ditch him. You want a man who will be on the up and up. Your relationship needs to start out on the right foot! My husband talked to my step-father the first day we started talking, Alhamdullilah.
Common sense is a must. If you feel uncomfortable talking to the guy, that’s a sign to GET OUT QUICK! Listen to your gut instinct, do not ignore those red flags!
Most important, always pray that Allah (SWT) blesses you with a pious loving husband, and never lose faith.
wasalaam,
AlabasterMuslim
AsalamOalekum
Muslim woman is precious .. she is like a hidden pearl .. its not appropriate for her to start finding her husband herself , this job is given to her Wali to find her a suitable match. Atleast for ,as long as ,she is not ,god forbidden , a widow or a divorced .
Internet is a very useful medium yet its a very big fitna’a also…its becoming difficult to keepin away from it.
Most of the males come on line just for making women friends ,i guess. For marriage they can find plenty of women offline. So be careful .
The lucky ones find their soul mates anywhere , offline or online and d rest has to go through the test of staying alone :) (may be for some more time )
Love ,companion ship and security which come along d marriage package are women’s requirements yet we are given this life just to worship Allah swt and to please Him not given dis life just to getting married.
Wish u sisters Best of Both d worlds inshAllah !
…and also personally i feel dat spouses shud be like minded , u may do dawah else where… to sisters, family, friends etc but this one gentle man shud , ideally , be a practicing muslim himself . cuz u know how much rights r given to your husband, and if he himself is not a practicing fellow how cud he help u or guide u on the path of Islam ?
Jazakillah khayr :)
salam,
how can i have a lovely wife to be with for my life
please if any sister is intrested mail me your picture,age,and location.
ma salam
asalamOalekum
why there’s a silence in d blog ? :)
carry on sisters !
wa aleikum salam,its a bit boring wen there are no new blogs to discuss on.hav an idea?
mariam i meant do you hav an idea of a topic we could discuss about coz i agree it is so quiet around here.
Yup, very quiet. The ladies in charge here said they’d b back with topics since thr mag was launched in November, but it’s been a month now and nothing
for your quwestion i have not try it. but if you are voletiar to marry me i am also seeker of beautyful islam ladiy!!thank you for your polite answer.
for your quwestion i have not try it. but if you are volentiar to marry me i am also seeker of beautyful islam ladiy!!thank you for your polite answer
salam Sisters,
I remember being shocked when I found out about islamic dating sites and all, but when I found out they can be done in accordance to the deen, its more understanding. I personally wouldnt venture towards that because I feel men can be very deceitful in real life and even more online…I need to sense a reaction, a change in tone, etc to determine truthfulness! :-D
It’s nice to be here even as a man, largely unintentional though.
Now I know women are as fearful as men when it comes to choosing life partners. May Allah continue to guide us. Ma Salam
I have a topic: WHEN DID U START TO COVER UP…DESCRIBE THE PROCESS
Life in general is a mission imagine trying to find someone to live it of with and can make you happy. I always thought that love is the most important part about a relationship and I have so much love to give but can’t find the right person to give all of it too. I have met a couple of guyz online and there is this one that i toke to the next level and we started talking to each other and all that. Its been a year now but I dont know sometimes I feel like he is talking to me just for fun or to get papers but than he always tells me about how he loves me and he wants to live back home not in US. He is nice and a sweetheart but than he is stubborn and so am I haha. Considering that I dont Know if I want to tell my parents about him yet because Iam not sure if Iam going to happy with him knowing that he doesnt like his future wife to work and he is SOO jealous about the smallest thing and I think thats going to be alot of trouble if anything does happen with me and him. I feel so bad in a way though cuz there is this guy thats somewhat family, that everytime I see him I feel like my heart is bounding so fasttt nd I just want to keep looking and talking to him ??? is that LOVE? cuz we used to tlk from like 12am to 8am every now and than tlking bout anything and everything but i would call him does that mean nething?? ALL that though we just talk about everything but US..he is just SO hard headed and 3ezit nafsu is like taking over him he wont take that step and I WOnt either soo IDK Wat to do?? there is also this one thing my parents think he is a bad influence and is a failure ..haha he kinda is but than he is trying his best to do wat he can to successed but the people around him dnt GIVE Him a cHANce and try to put him down and I think that he Can really do it if he has people to support him..THis is wat i go through other than the fact that everyday a new suitor is at my house asking for my hand and I dnt have a clue who he is and thats getting so annoying cuz they aalwayz have something wrong with them that makes me not agree or either my parents dont like him..LOVE is BLIND ,,TRY TO KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN!
Salaams Sister
Please be very careful. We are owned by no one other than Allah. With the brothers jealous streak it is a recipie for disaster for sure. It may seem cute or pleasing in the beginning but eventual it could turn very ugly. Please make Istakara and do whatever it is that Allah brings to you. We often want what we want and we get the signs, the red flags but continue to ignore them. Then when we get what we get we lament and are so confused when if we had stopped not blinded by our feelings we would truly have not gotten ourselves into the mix. As I speak to you I also speak to myself and all the other sisters as well. May Allah make it easy for all of us who wish to be married and bring us the best of husbands, Insha’Allah Ameen
SUMMAAMEEN
Innocent ur comment somewhat alarmed me. I found my muslim exhusband in internet. I think I fell in love for the wrong reasons, cause my heart knew sth was wrong. Well he is always saying that others are putting him down. Now I know he does it himself, noone else. He is looking for a wife again online and telling again how others treat him bad starting from a exwives and friends ending up with collegues and boss at work and how loving, tender, caring person he is, a true familyman. I was praying him coming practising muslim, still it turned out to be my fault he isn`t. A man should guide his wife. But i ask how could I fallow a simple man by his word when his lifestyle is haram. His stubborness won, I had to escape to save my life to someone who respects and cares and fallows the right path. Someone who always accuses others is far too often quilty himself.
Just some thoughts about some previous topics. What I find wrong with many muslim men in west is a male centered mixture of rights from muslim religion and western lifestyle, a wife´s nightmare. These men are extremely jelous even their wives are real muslims. No need to wonder why. I have seen far too many muslim (married) men living according western lifestyle in many ways more than western men themselves and what is worse they always find excuses for their behaviour even from Qu`ran.
So, in this case I cannot understand why is respectful, truthful, caring and attentive not-yet-muslim man worse than non practising muslim man with haram lifestyle? Of course it is much safer for a muslim woman to marry a good practising muslim man. But finding such in here as in many western communities is almost impossible.
Finding a good spouse in internet is a lot talked about topic even among nonmuslims. i dont think the chances are worse than in real life. Just have to take time to get to know the person and his intentions.
I ahve to agree with what you say. We cannot be adamant about this or that – every person is his won and a sum of his own parts. Only Allah knows what’s in someone’s heart, and the only thing we can do is trust Him.
Western men – very true, some live worse lifestyles than non-muslim men, and they have so many ways of justifying themselves.
A good man is what you should look for, and then if he isn’t Muslim try to see if you can bring him to religion. That’s the true marker of a prosperous Muslim life – a man with like mind and ideas and beliefs.
Salaams
Without a doubt we bring to ourselves what we are most vunerable in. In desperation we may look at what is not for us anyway but we have the hopes that it will all pan out. But without a doubt that lies with Allah.
Don’t think for a moment that all of the men on the dating sites; Muslim or non-Muslim are just there to find wives. Some are there to get the green card, some are there to fleece us. We may come with the most honorable of intentions but not everyone is that honest and upfront about who they truly are. You can be whoever you want to be on line and no one will know the difference. Unless they are willing to submit to our Imam, Wali or Wakil’s scrutiny that is a red flag! What are you hiding? As women we must first and formost have a relationship with our Lord, then ourselves and can say we are truly happy with our lives we cannot expect to get the best of this world and the next as we ask for in our salat each day. I have been basically on my own for the last eleven years since my husband died. In the early days I could have cared less about finding another mate since I was dealing with the challenges of everyday life and raising my sons. I knew then and I know now that it will take a very special Muslim man to be in my life. Yep it is hard sometimes to come home alone and have no one here but the cat for company. However I do have some level of peace of mind as my children are grown and have their own lives.The one thing I do have is the sisterhood which keeps me going. We all need a support system and without them as well as by the Grace and Mercy of Allah first and foremost I know that I would be very sad all the time.
Whatever Allah brings to us He will also bring us through. Please don’t for a moment think that because you have a husband you will automatically be with someone who is on the Deen and will teach you anything. We are responsible for ourselves and have been given the choice to be so. We have to at least have the good common sense to know what our rights and responsiblilities are according to the Deen. We cannot rely on the man to tell us this. For we are encouraged to seek knowledge from the craddle to the grave.
Islam came to raise the status of women. However we often times give away our power to others in the mistaken belief that it will make us happy and give us what we want. We ignore the red flags and will get angry with others who attempt to tell us that this or that is wrong.This not to say that they are right or wrong but we also need to listen to what is being said and take what we can from it and leave the rest that may not suit us well. Because in the end you are the one who has to be pleasing to your Lord and we cannot speak to the motives of others who may or may not have our best interest at heart. Some times we have to be still and listen to what is truly going on within ourselves, make Istakarah and don’t look to get the answer we want. For what is for us will come to us and what is not meant for us will surely pass us by.
First off if you are going to go looking for your husband online you should know what kind of mate you want. Not just looking to see who clicks on you and hopefully is a good mate. And if you feel you may only be used for a green card or entrance in to America then look for a American Muslim in most of our states we have muslin communities. Then your can focus on getting to know them not yet dating learning the person and understanding if he is a match. Offline and online we can always take the time to know the person before we jump to the marriage stage because even in real life you don’t know if they are who they say they are. The same goes for us they don’t know if we are who we say we are so you are both in the same boat. I trust we all can tell when he’s falling for us or falling for benefit so no matter what you should get to know them well enough. You are talking about your future your children future so when going cyber love searching the key is to LEARN not rush or hope for the best. If he is overseas and it is REAL love there shouldn’t be any reason he can’t wait this i view as a Big Warning of you being possibly used unless you have spoken for many months or years with this person. Love is overtime not by a click of a mouse. many of us make the wrong choices i think because we see how easy it can be to find our dream man or even a descent husband however, sometimes love happens on it own not online. We do it a bigger selection and you are in charge ladies you are in charge so know what you want and know to LEARN. Yes i have gone looking for a husband online i very fortunate to find many good ones and any bad ones even ones that asked my hand as soon as i joined the chat room. So i am sharing what i have learned over time with my experiences i found not all oversea men Muslim men want to use you some do want to get things done on there own. And also it never really fails to give them a test of too to see where they on there normals thoughts lifestyle, this is not to judge them its to see a bit of who they are what what you can expect. The first step as i have said is to know what kind of mate/husband you are looking for weather it just be certain amount of money, religious as you are, honest, coming from a good family, he wants kids relate all this when you are looking for your mister right.
GOOD LUCK IN YOUR HAUNTING I WISH THE BEST
i think there is something wrong with me. i am a 19 years old and at the moment my parents are trying to do an arranged marriage. the thing is i don’t think it is going to work because I HATE MEN.
Allright Husaina – why do you hate men?
i don’t know really. i feel intimidated by them. never really got along with that species of creatures.
Lol. That’s funny, but I’m not making fun of you.
Okay I think that’s ‘curable’. Just take your courage by both hands and try to talk to a suitor. Break the ice so to speak if you are introduced to a man. You are allowed to talk to him in such a context!
And hey, let me tell you what the men I know say – they’re scared of us girls, lol, so think of yourself in the driving seat seat, and they’re in the hot seat!
the blog topic is sooo quiet guys, i miss reading all your comments!
Im 22 years old and almost all of my friends are getting married. Im extremely happy for them, but just a teeeensy weeensy lil bit anxious for myself.
My parents, especially my mum, really want me to get married. My mum keeps nagging me lol and i have to remind her its not raining men. Its hard to find a decent muslim guy and in an islamic way as well.
I think I am ready to get married, but how do you know when you are ready?
Lol. Just thinking you’re ready is enough! I mean, it’s like a huge step forward and a commitment- if you cannot feel able to do it, then you’re not ready. Full stop.
Thanx Z. Now if i could just find that guy lol, but Allah knows best.
you will in due time inshallah