Last night something happened that I’ve been waiting for for almost 20 years… My little brother and our close family friend got married! Ali and Amara* are both 19 and from the time that they were babies, we all knew that one day, they’d get married — at least we all hoped that they would. Well, last night they finally did! The only messed up thing about it is that I was not at the wedding!
Can you hear my heart breaking?
Amara’s mom and one of our sisters were also not able to make it to the wedding. Why wouldn’t we be there, you ask? Well, after several (annoying) wedding date changes, Ali and Amara decided on Tuesday night – while I was on the train back to my house, an hour away from my hometown – that they would get married on Wednesday. And I wasn’t able to make the trip back for their wedding.
When I spoke to my brother on the phone, he kept saying “I love you!” (as if that would stop me from being upset), and he kept reassuring me that I could still come to the walimah (or reception). I’m over it now, but yesterday, I was a little furious. I mean, who would want to miss their little brother’s wedding? I don’t know many 19-year-olds that have a wife rather than a girlfriend. So, I wanted to be there to support my brother.
When I got married, I wanted my whole family to be there. I always dreamed of having a big wedding and I couldn’t imagine not having all of my loved ones there. To me, the ceremony is what makes it a wedding, but to Ali and Amara, the reception is what matters the most. So hopefully we’ll all be there when Ali and Amara cut the wedding cake (which seeing how fickle they are about wedding dates, could happen at any moment!). And of course the most important thing is that they’re married – alhamdulillah!
What do you think? Would you get married without your family being there? Would you be upset if you couldn’t attend your close relative’s wedding? Did you or do you plan to have separate dates for your wedding ceremony and your reception? Which one is most important, the ceremony or the reception?
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Muslim Women In Love: Would you get married without your family?
77 thoughts on “Muslim Women In Love: Would you get married without your family?”
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I’ve always imagined having all of my family there for my wedding too but I think nowadays it wouldn’t really be a big deal for them not to be there. I would want them to be there if I was having the ceremony and reception all on the same day, but if it were different days it would be more important for them to be there for the reception(walimah).
Nooo, my family would never even allow me to do that! Lol. I come from a verry large family and we’ve always taken special occasions very serious…I couldn’t even get out of going to my cousins graduation this summer and they didn’t even have enough seats for most of us!
Once I get engaged to be married im sure my mother and aunts will take it upon themselves to plan my wedding..I’ll most likely just be told to show up without having had any input on the planning!
And trust me the wholee world will be invited to my wedding. I’d be too scared to “elope” :-O
AWESOME SITE for Healthy dialogue!
I dont think that neither the ceremony or the reception are whats important when it comes to marriage. What is important is the commitment that the two have for one another and what they plan on bringing to this marriage to make it last, to make it sweet. The ceremony and reception for the most part are for other people so me personally, i dont put much importance on that. So to answer the question, yes i would get married without my family present.
I agree with you–it is about the relationship. :) Alhamdulillah
I agree with Bahiyyah. Maybe it’s because I’m older or maybe I’ve seen too many huge fairy tale weddings end in divorce. I just think that the nikkah/walimah are not super important. Insha Allah just be there for him and support him now that he’s married because as we both know marriage is a jihad and a half@!LOL
I couldn’t imagine getting married without at least my immediate family at the event, and since I am the oldest, I’d imagine Inshallah when I get married that we’ll invite all our close friends and family.
Personally, I really want a small wedding with just my immediate family and the groom’s immediate family, and some close friends. But I have not been able to make it to some of my immediate family’s weddings, but because we live in different countries, its not possible to go their.
And the other commentors are right, I’ve seen huge weddings go to pot, while those that spend time learning about each other and developing an understanding fare better Inshallah.
Not all of my family was able to attend my wedding. We tried, but his sister and one of mine were not even in the same country, and no matter what date we looked at, not everyone could come. In today’s spread out world, sometimes families are not close enough geographically to all gather for a wedding. At my oldest son’s walima (reception), his bride’s grandmother participated by phone from another country because her health did not permit her to travel. She passed away soon afterward, and my daughter-in-law still has the special memory of her phone conversation at that special event.
Asalaamu Alaiakum,
Alhumdulillah in Islam we have the nikah and the walimah. My nikah was small. My Mom, his parents and his baby brother. My walimah on the other hand was about 120 people.
Althought I do understand the consern about wanting SOMEONE to be there.
**cling, cling** dropping my 2 cents
I would have to get married without my family there as they do not accept that I am Muslim, even after 3 years. They accept me but not my faith and they would never participate in a ceremony that proclaimed my faith in any way.
As Salaam wa alaikum
I think that’g great that you stand strong even without your families support. :), but I’m pretty sure you have some beautiful muslimahs that would love to attend your nikkah insha allah
My husband and I got married just the two of us and though my parents offered to come to the state we were living in, we told them we would be fine on our own. My closet friend and husband also offered to be present. My husband’s family was in another country so they wouldn’t be able to come either. Later, my parents threw us a small party in their back yard with my family. I always wanted a small wedding, but the two of us having a special day on our own is now really special to me. No one else shared that day but us, and I believe that marriage is about the couple’s lifelong committment, not one big day. I love how we got married, and we have great memories of our wedding day. But I understand how other women have more pressure to have big wedding events by their families and I love attending such affairs!
For me, the actual wedding is the most important part–it is a life changing event…and it’s up to the bride and groom as to if they want anyone there. :) To me, marriage is a sacred covenant between you, your partner and Allah. While you (author) wanted everyone there to celebrate with you, some people are more quiet about their celebrations, or may not have that kind of relationship with their family. The bottom line: it’s not about you (even though I’m sorry your heart was broken), it’s about the couple.
To me, my friends and family are there only to support us a couple–and I only want those people who WILL be supportive at the reception to celebrate with us. For my wedding, that is more personal. And I will be honored by having Allah, my partner, minister and perhaps a few witnesses present. But I don’t want a spectical (as so many weddings have become–more about the wedding than the union of two souls) for something so holy and sacred.
As for missing someone’s wedding. I do the best I can to be there and support them. If I’m not in a position to do so, or they don’t wish me to be, Alhamdulillah–they are in my prayers and held in my heart!
As-salaamu ‘Alaikum wa Rahmatu Allahi wa Barakatuh,
As a matter of a fact, I would get married without family (or anyone else, for that matter) being there. I don’t even have to be there. For my future nikkah (insha’Allah)….I’m not even dressing up fancy. Two witnesses, sign the paper, get it over with. The walima is for family, etc etc…and I want that simple as well. If anybody misses it…tough. It doesn’t matter. Whats important to me is the marriage, not the ceremony.
wow…….. thats great my sister same thing i av in mind.
assalam walikum
well i think if the couple want to have a big wedding is up to them.but in my life i got married without my parents knowledge because they were not going to accept it .why because he was already married had one wife .then i marry him now am his secound wife but i did it because of love .but i would really like to know my sisters opinion about it.
I would not get married if my parents and siblings (at least) weren’t able to be there. Marriage in Islam IS a big deal, it’s unlike any other ceremony. My parents did not attend my sister’s wedding because they did not approve of the man she married (I didn’t approve of him either, but my sister would never let me live it down if I skipped her wedding).
As far as separate dates for nikah and walimah are concerned, why wait so long? I remember an imam told a good friend of mine who was considering a 3-month delay between her wedding and reception that the Prophet Muhammad (SAW), would hold a walimah no later than a day after the nikah. If you want your “fairy tale” reception, then wait to get married. Couples are in such a rush to get married so they can have halal sex (let’s keep it real), that they don’t really ask pertinent questions and resolve any lingering issues. That’s what leads to unhappy marriages or divorce.
I totally agree !!! Insha’Allah for my wedding , I would like to have a small nikah with just parents from both sides , and then the Walimah , the day After !!!!!! why wait ??? since I’m from Morocco , then I’ll have insha’Allah , the nikah , the mehndi , the wedding and then the reception ..
I wouldn’t wait (*^_^*)
Well, I was about to elope. My sweetie and I were going to get married at a masjid in NYC and not tell anyone. But we thought it was kind of sneaky : ) I don’t like big weddings for myself (or being stared at) so I felt extremely uncomfortable on my wedding day.
Like everyone else said the nikah is just the contract between the couple but I think its also good to think about the feelings of your family if possible. I don’t see anything wrong with delaying a ceremony for a few hours or a day to make sure that those who love you can witness it. You don’t want any hurt feelings. I think alot of mothers want to see their daughters get married…
@ Habibah. Thanks for keeping it real. People do need to slow their roll a little. LOL!
Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh..
That is exactly what happened to me and my Zawj in January of this year, to be honest it was me who delayed it for a bit, not to say that I didn’t want to marry him right away and become his Wife; but I also wanted to choose the beautiful material to create or purchase my wedding dress, the invitations, decorations, choosing foods to serve and so forth..
BUT what shook me back into reality was my Zawj who reminded me of the importance of being married and how it affected/reflected upon 1/2 of his deen(as per completion) and after saying that who was I to argue about it right?!
We did slowly inform our relatives as to us becoming Husband and Wife, some of which are still not as accepting of the news without the invitation in advance, so we’ve decided to hold/host a celebration of sorts next year insha’Allah and will be able to invite all of those we weren’t originally in attendance. But looking back in retrospect; if I could do it differently, I really don’t think I would have changed a thing!
Salaams
Married it just not about me and him. But married, speacially in Islam, it’s all about two family. that’s why i really want everybody know when i’m married. the whole world actually! :-)
i soo agree with you. It’s the union of two family..i love that now i have more family members to rely on..
i got married n my family didnt f9ind out a week later because i packed n moved to a different state without them knowing
somewhat similar has happen to me . My mom didnt attend my wedding but I was alittle hurt . My mom excuse was she just started a job and she didnt want to take off so soon but I planned this ahead. It was okay though I got over it because I married to husband that Allah has blessed me with.
My husband and I basically were new shahadas with no other muslim family members so it was kind of hard for them to understand why we didn’t just “date” first and then get married. So we pretty much eloped and had vowal renewal/waliymah a few years later.
i cant imagine getting married without my family
I am 24th year old send me for wedding detail thanks
Unfortunately I got married without my father being there and I don’t think he met my husband until a year or more later. My father is not a practicing Muslim, he is really just learing the deen. He was in another country and my intendent and I wanted to hurry to do what was right by Allah- get maried! We would’ve had to put off our nikah for a very long time if we had waited for my father. I never imagined the small wedding I had, never imagined Dad not being there, but I wasn’t Muslim when I dreamed of the big wedding shindig! I don’t feel I betrayed my Dad, but I do feel I pleased Allah. Allahu Alim.
I only had my little sister at my Nikah.. and that is because i am her guardian. I am the only muslim in my family. I was not even involved in my wedding.. I converted a few weeks before i was married and had no clue i would not be involved in it. . i probably would not have done it if i had known. . we had it all planned out i was to sit by my wali and him by his father. the wali andfather next to each other.. what happened was i was not allowed in the room, it was only men who heard anything and i did not get to hear, see or agree on my behaf on anything. . it was his fathers idea to keep me out and i have not forgiven him for ruining the most important day of my life.. my husband came out of the other room and hugged me.. i freaked out thinking we were not married yet and thats how i found out.. i ended up crying and leaving my nikah for about close to 30 mins maybe 40
pardon me but I didn’t get your sroty very well . your muslim , but why did your father in law kept you out ???
I got married without not a single member of my family. My parents are muslims but refuse to accept that I want to marry a PRACTISING muslim man who wears the beard and his trousers above the ankle. They state it’s a strange way of dress and would never allow their daughter to marry such kind of men.
I got married without them. I cannot begin to explain the rahma and nur that Allah blessed my very small nikah and the way in which He Allah showed me that He had accepted.
Whatever we do for the sake of Allah, it doesn’t matter who is by our side as long as we have Allah.
My parents forced me into a nikah with my cousin (who I’ve always always despised) as soon as I turned 16. It’s now been two years – I have not spoken to him for about 3 years, we do not live together or have any type of relationship other than that of dislike. The problem is, he won’t back out of the marriage because he can get British citizenship through me. Please can someone tell me whether this counts as a marriage, whether I can end it, and how to be happy while still keeping my family with me? I’m desperate
Hmmmm MAria, my first incline would be to say no…no contact? Talk to your imam and really see what can be done because I’m sorry, but this doesnt seem right…I really think you should look into it…talk to an imam or ulema and see what can be done! Good luck sister!
No, we’ve had absolutely no contact whatsoever. I’m afraid to go and ask my Imam because he’s close friends with my father. I just hate it when people confuse religion with culture – this is making life so difficult.
I would marry anyone of my parent’s choice, just not this guy. I don’t think it’ll be possible for me to remain on good terms with my parents if I back out of this. I’m far from being a perfect person, but what should I, as a Muslim, do sister?
And when I say ‘on good terms’, I mean that I would be disowned =S
Well Maria to tell you the truth I don’t really know how you could be married to someone and not talk for three years.
Also your parents can’t force you into a marriage that you don’t want to be in. In fact in Islam it is forbidden. I believe that marriage should be for those who love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together. And did you say he can get British citezenship through you? He’s using you. This is sincere advice from one sister to another I say YOU CUT HIM LOOSE!!!!! There’s no other solution I mean from the sound of it he doesn’t even love you.
Inshalla may allah help you in this difficult time
P.S. Im sorry if I had offended you in any way. Or sounded harsh at all. It was just from the heart.
No, I wasn’t offended at all. Thank you so much.
I told my parents it was forbidden, but then they came up with ‘In Islam it also says that you must do what your parents tell you to’.
I think the biggest thing is that I feel guilty – that they do so much for me and I can’t do this for them =S
I will try to follow your advice, and InshAllah everything will turn out alright, I’ve just got to be patient. Thank you again to both of you xx
Be strong MAria, really…If you can’t go to you’r family’s Imam, then find another…In Islam, as a husband, he HAS a duty to provide for you. I mean there are so many obligations that have to be met on both sides…Don’t waste your preciious years dear…talk to an Ahlim and try to find a way inchAllah…maybe if a scholar approaches your parents and makes them see the way, they will listen…try your best, but remeber to stay respectful towards them, because that is a commandement of Allah.
Salaam Maria
Woww- you must have real strength mA to live through all that- but you deff need 2 get out now- 3 years is WAY too long- go to another Aalim if that one s friends with your father and see what he says-and when your parents find out if they disown you then that is wrong and they will get a sin- not you at all- as long as you have done nothing Haram- because its not their right Islamically to tell you who you can or cant marry..that doesn’t fall under respect of parents as far as i can tell.
May Allah guide you to happiness IA- n good luck!!
Salaam Maria!
I’m sorry to hear what you are going through. No-there is nothing in Islam that tells you that you have to do what your parents say.
You must respect them, be kind to them, be generous but most Muslims are wrong when they say there is an obligation to “obey” the parents in Islam. See if you can find that in the Qur’an. I don’t believe it is there.
In fact there is a direct command to disobey your parents if they lead you astray in your deen.
We don’t want to hurt out parents by being harsh to them-but they also should not “force” us to do anything. There is no compulsion in religion.
Secondly-I am not quite sure but if you never consummated your marriage it may be invalid. Besides your imam (who may be biased) you might want to find a sheikh/sheikha who will advocate for you from within an Islamic framework. Best of luck, sis!
Thank you Samira for your very good statement jazakallah.
assalamon alaikom evryone muslim brothers and sisters just im writing something do oll muslim brothers and sisters l ask to evryone can make dua for me plzzz because im so sad l have some probelm l hope god save me for that soon inshalah and god save evry people who is like my?salamon alaikom
salam inshallah i will make dua for you, brother yusef, just believe in allah and stay strong in your iman, if you fail in this lifes but are true to allah you will suceed in the after life,
who cares? These days so many muslim girls have sex before marriage I don’t know why they even get married.
not all girls are like that though, I am most definately not. but it is true and very sad that more and more girls are having sex before marriage but I don’t think that it is our place to judge them , I do not condone or agree with it in any waY but we must set a good example, give shukr that our Imaan is strong enough to resist temptation and make dua that they find the right path again. it is Allah’s (swt) place to judge them on their deeds in this world. Many girls who also don’t have a good islamic support do go astray and if they ask for maaf and truly repent then that is between them and Allah (swt) the Most Merciful and if you sincerely repent then surely you will be forgiven and become a better muslim and it is not our place to hold their wrongdoings against them, only to help and guide them.
Ahmed, totally inappropriate thing to say.
As for the blog, congrats, belated but congrats anyway. These things happen. My parents were supposed to have a wedding and didnt, yet 25 years later all is well. In the end its the marriage not the wedding. However, I can understand you being sad that you couldnt be there. At least you will be at the reception.
Are you married? What was your wedding like sis?
Hope if i can marry with you . Im sincerly for allah , and hope i have great family tells them how much allah is great and love all .
Essam.Hassanin@yahoo.Com
salam alikoum sisters in islam,
I shall like having your advices please. I am in a difficult situation, i met a muslim and i spoke about it to my parents. They do not want to accept the proposal of marriage because this boy is not of arabic origin. And i don’t know what to make. I estimate him a lot, he is a good muslim, a good person, i really want him as husband. My parents are very difficult. They don’t want to hear about this boy.
I’m lost.
Many Arabs are non accepting of foreigners, however sometimes what Allah has laid out for you is meant to be. So think of it this way, if this person is your naseeb, it is by divine decree that you will marry him, if he is not of your destiny then there is someone out there who is meant to be for you and it is not this person. However, if you feel strongly and you think that he is the “one” you should talk to your parents seriously because in our religion we are encouraged to marry from different races as long as we all follow the same religion, however the thing is you dont want to lose your family for this man. If your family insists on you not having a relationship with this man then you should listen to them because in the end they are your family. Inshallah the best will happen for you, and if he is the best for you then it will happen. Do istikhara and inshallah allah will help you decide on whether to pursue being with this person or not.
Good luck!
Hey Sara i heard what happed
look if he is a good muslim, then show your parents that, tell your parents to ask about him in the comunity, and if people tell your parents that he is good, faithful person then inshalllah allah will make it happen
and Race, laugage does not matter Religon is the only thing!!!!!!!
andont worry one sec Allah SWT will hepl you and never leve your side!!!!!!!!
salam and inshallah everything works out!
Barakallahoufik…
The problem is that my parents do not know him, and they don’t want to hear about him. I don’t dare to speak to them any more about this boy, for fear of making angry them. I don’t know if I have to end this story with him or go against what my parents say.
I implore Allah’s help…
It is really too hard…
maybe a family friend or other family member could meet him and then talk with you parents..just a thought..
yeah i think i would if the boy is a good person and if my parents wouldnt wanna be there well thats there problem but at the end of the day its your own life and not theres.
I actually did get married without my family being there. It was very hard for me, however I went through with it. And now that I think about I did have my family, all of my in-laws who I now live amongst were there at the wedding with me. Besides, its not all about the wedding, its about the success of the marriage. My husband and I have been married for 14months with a little boy due in September, we are doing well, alhumdulilah and we are happy, amin.
i man
my mum say get married now and i say no now piz mum
she say why not now dont say to no now my dad say yes going get married now i say i hate my mum and dad i m going to my school to do sametink will my family ok goodby
I have never heard of having a big wedding in Islam, getting married takes about 10 minutes. The Walima would be much longer of course but having a big wedding, I have never heard of such. What does a big wedding consist of. Because as Muslims we don’t walk down a aisle, and we don’t have maid of honors and flower girls, so I am just confused a little on this.
If/when I get married Insha Allah, I don’t mind if my family is not there for it, if they are there… great.. if not..it will hurt but I will get over it..
i dont think an american style wedding consists of too much. you have friends and family seated around. and then the maids and groomsmen walk down the aisle with the groom waiting. the father walks the bride to the groom. then the vows are said. a quick kiss. mix in a little pomp and circumstance (e.g. music while walking down the aisle, maybe a special “marriage speech”) and its all over with. everyone shuffles off to the after party. :)
@fatima
yeah you re right,in islam the nikah,which is the actual ceremony,lasts only for about say 20-30 mins,depending on how eloquent (or in plain terms,chatty) the imam/qazi is. the rest is just local custom. and since muslims come from all parts of the world( mashaallah) there’s a LOT of difference in the rituals before and after the nikah.a big wedding where i come from is a lot of people attending,and of course that means a lot of cash being spent,the whole shebang. they re basically very lavish,and the walima is another story all together!
i could never get married without my family, at least my parents,sister and my favourite aunts/uncles/cousins have to be present!!the whole ceremony would feel unrealistic without them.although i m still quite young, i do hope that the day i get married, inshallah all my loved ones will be attending.
I would actually want my parents and my siblings at my wedding! And I agree. Istikhara (sorry i have BAD spelling) But living in a traditional family all my life. Even if I studied or worked somewhere else in the world, for my wedding I would have to come back! And lol if something came in the way and my family was not able to make it for some reason (under extreme conditions) I would just get married lol. getting over it would be the hard part. and Sister Suha LOL i know what you mean with the lavish weddings of $12,000 lol or even more. I personally would like something more simple with my close friends and direct family. I just want to see the smile on my dad’s face when I finally get married. Ill cry but I know he’ll he happy and of course! the First One to be pleased is Allah SWT :)
My family would slaughter me if I got married without them! XDD Just kidding. But my family would totally arrange like my whole wedding, I live somewhere where ALLLL the extended family (as in people like my mom’s aunt’s cousin’s grandaughters) are supposed to be at the wedding! And here, the actual engagement and wedding ceremonies are very quiet and fast, it’s the AFTERWARD cultural party that’s like SHEBANG!
oh believe me , they’ll slaughter me too if I get married without them knowing !!!!!!!!!! loooolllll (*^_^*)
@layla
LOL .aunt’s cousin’s granddaughters!!:D i know what you mean. My cousin got married 2 yrs back and there were about 150 ladies invited (and approx. same no. of men- the shebang i told you about:P)and almost everyone of them was related to me in some weird twisted way!and everyone of them would come upto me and kiss me all over my face(a necessary evil in my place) and tell me i’m your khala xyz:D but big weddings are fun-they re loud,chaotic and there’s so much confusion,great stories to tell later.
I read that you sisters have only 120 150 guest . in my wedding insha’Allah , I bet it’s gng to be abt 300 to 500 people !!!! my mom’s family is very big , nd I have so many grandcousins !!!! nd then ther’s my father’s family wich is more big (but since I don’t like them , I’ll manage so they wont come , May Allah forgive me but I don’t stand them ….) and of course ther will be my inlaws !!!!!!!
This is quite funny to me, because that’s exactly what my husband and I did. We got married with NONE of our family present. I think that in Islam it’s so difficult to maintain a relationship with a the opposite sex while not being married. Before getting married my husband and I (we were in college at the time) were always worried about making sure someone else was around, so we would keep with the integrity and halal nature of our relationship. We got married because we wanted to do what was right by Allah and now one or nothing else. I believe that it is better to get married and do what Allah has told us to do, than to worry about potentially doing something that Allah does not want. Remember in Islam a marriage is a contract that is signed in front of two or more witnesses, so I do believe the Walimah is actually where you have everyone come together because it’s the celebration of the two people coming together.
Awesonme answer and I agree!
I would absolutely DIE if my family wasn’t there! After all, they are like the most important people in your life, right?!??!?!
i got married the last summer before ramadan month and it was the best day of my life because i married the man i loved and also my family was there with me in the most important day in my life.
Salam Alaikum..brothers and sisters,,I am emad from egypt..i was christian before but now i converted to islam. Now i living in Dubai which is muslim country,I want arrange marriage with muslim girl but when i tell i was christian before the girl family refuse my marriage,,what should i do?
I belive u need to search for the religious family and girl!Im convert as well and everybody knows that whatever happend before doesnt metter!Alhamdulilah..Allah guided u to the right path!My husband is egyptian, so i know b difficult relationship between christian and muslims in egypt!We live in dubai as well!Maybe u need to find non egyptian girl?
Dear, Emad Salama
Have patience and remember God Almighty. He surely has something in store for you.
Asalam Alakium Sisters!
In response to your blog. I would love to share my own personal wedding story. I wanted the big wedding with the dress, family and bridesmaids but my family was not supportive nor helpful either was my husbands. It was all up to us to make our day and it became very complicated. I was upset and becoming disappionted. My husband came up with an alternative plan.
We would get married at the justice of the peace then have a family celebration party to send us off for our personal ceremony in mexico.
We invited friends and family did a dinner with cake music. We used my sister in laws yard and bought a tent. It was great!! Then we went off to mexico i wore my dress got married under a beautiful gazebo because it was raining lightly. Then onto the beach for pictures it was goregous!! We had our two best friends come for 3 days to witness our day then spent the rest of the honeymoon to ourselves. I was very happy and came home happier I gave birth to our daniyah the following year :) It doesn’t matter how you celebrate your wedding the main thing is to celebrate the birth of a new life the union of your marriage between you allah and your husband. my marriage wasn’t traditional but it was perfect for us. Even if our situation wasn’t complicated i would not have wanted it anyother way because in the begining of our lifes journey and in the end it was all about eachother al hum du allah
May allah bless you all
Mrs. Lisa Mosley
I think that different people prefer different ways and i think it has alot to do with your culture, for example, Im from South Africa. I got married 3 months ago to my boyfriend of 3 years. and this is what we did.
We go engaged 11 months before our wedding as I wanted to get married in Summer. The groom is responsible for the house and everything that goes with it, eg furniture, bed,cutlery and appliances. And the bride is responsible for the wedding reception (we have two receptions normally, the groom has the reception straight after the Nikkah), so normally the nikkah is at 10:00 and the groom reception is at 13:00 and the brides reception with her family and friends is at 17:00 and she is normally brought home by hajji’s before Maghrib depending on your husbands wishes). At the nikkah, the groom normally wears a Salaah top and the bride wears a simple white or colour dress that covers her aura, for the afternoon reception the groom wears a suit and the bride wears a fancier modern dress. We usually have bridesmaids for the morning as well as a whole entourage for the afternoon. because between the 2 receptions, we usually go to the beach or botanical gardens to take pictures of the newly married couple. I had a fancy wedding,and I thoroughly enjoyed it even though I did not want one. Its a beautiful experience from beginning til end. I had a hen party with my friends and family and my husband had a bachelors party. For my hen party,my cousin organised a belly dancer and they dressed me up as a playboy bunny (it was a womans only party), my friends bought me sexy lingerie and we played games, like dress the bride (using toilet paper) and “how well do u know the groom” etc. My husband went to a club with his male friends (not every guy in South Africa does this),we then had my mehndi night 2 days before my wedding as my father is indian (my moms ancestors are from malaysia) so i had a mix from both cultures and it turned out great. Just wanted to share my special day with all of you!